It’s fun working in a facility that does research and development on exciting new mutagens.
Someday we’re going to design the formula that elevates humanity to the next stage of evolution! Until then, the slow, steady work of experimentation continues.
I remember the day we stumbled upon something very promising, and oh! I couldn’t wait for it to go through the trials! So I stole some and administered it to myself.
No, nothing much happened. It wound up being a big let-down in the end, but I was no worse for the experience.
But if I could get away with it once, I could do it again, right?
Turns out I’m not the only one. A bunch of us snag our own trial dose whenever we’ve got an exciting new mutagen. We consider it an unofficial perk of the job at this point.
Someone will get pumped about the results of the computer simulations or early trials in mice, and they grab a handful of vials from the lab.
Next thing you know they’re passing out data sheets and needles and talking excitedly, and we’re all hyped to see what it does.
I’m kinda hooked on it, to be honest. I’m willing to try mutagens nobody else wants to touch. It’s thrilling!
I mean, there was the time I felt really sick and threw up what I think was my stomach and some other organs. I honestly have no idea how I digest food these days!
That’s the risk you take, I figure. What’s the fun if there’s no danger?
Okay, sure, Eddie is kind of a sentient goop now, and Dr. Ferrister has teeth growing out of all kinds of weird places, and I don’t even know what I am any more with my DNA a mess like it is, but hey.
The important thing is that we just keep working at it!
Actually at this point what we’re working toward is kinda up in the air. I’m pretty sure we’re just inventing mutagens now based on what seems fun.
We all make terrible test subjects for actual “human” trials anyway.
Look, a bunch of us ate the last suit that came around here asking about how we were justifying our expenses, whether we were following proper testing protocols, blah, blah, blah.
We’re not doing this for the shareholders anymore. But anyone who wants to share can join us!