I plan for only a brief visit at your house. I have places to go, but somehow you’ve talked me into staying for dinner. For drinks. For drugs. And now it’s so late, and I’m in an unfamiliar place…
You wrap your arms around me without asking, and I pretend not to notice the part of you pressing into my thigh with firm insistence. I smile, I laugh, and I try and fail to keep my head from getting too foggy from what you’ve shared with me.
I couldn’t leave even if I tried now, could I? I’m dizzy, disoriented, and hell, I got lost trying to find the bathroom. I really need to get going, my friends are expecting me, but your hand is on my chest and pushing me down, and in that moment you’re as powerful as God.
You tell me I don’t even remember where it is I’m supposed to be if not here, and somehow you’re right, even if I knew a moment ago.
You tell me I’d promised you that you’d get to fuck me before I left, and I don’t remember that either, but you’re already pulling my skirt up.
Your hands on my body are gentle and soft.
It feels wrong, like the fact that you’re doing this to me whether I want it or not should make your touch feel rough and terrible, but…
Your hands on my body are so gentle. So soft.
It’s easy to forget that I didn’t want this. You make it easy to forget. You kiss my unresponsive lips and tell me how much I want this. You grab my wrists and push my hands onto your tits and tell me how much I like to touch you.
And I do. That’s the thing.
Next you’re sliding inside me, and I’m too far gone to know whether you’re using protection, and maybe I’m too far outside myself to care.
In another time, another place, I might have enthusiastically begged you for this, but you want me now, and you’ll have me now.
It’s funny the sensations that blur into nothing and the ones that stand out.
Your penetration is a greasy smear on my senses, rendered with the clarity of vaseline over a camera lens, but the sticky-wet slickness of sweat when you flop on my chest is crystal clear.
I don’t even parse that they way you grunt and collapse on top of me means that you’re done for now.
Your head rests next to mine, and you smile at me, like the two of us just shared something beautiful and intimate, and for some reason I still look at your lips with desire.
You kiss me again, and this time I kiss back, weakly and without thought.
Whatever I had planned for after this visit, it’s long gone from my mind, and in my heart I know I’ve already forgiven you for this.
I’ll visit again the next time you ask.