The next time I open my eyes, the bed is empty. The sheets cover me again. All that remains of my aches and pains from earlier is a fading memory, as if last night never happened at all.
I hear the sound of my phone vibrating a notification on the floor, and with the bleary lack of coordination of one half asleep, I lean over the edge of the bed to fumble for it.
Oh, that’s a lot of notifications.
Vicky you alive????
hey
pls answer
hey
liz is real worried
like you probably killed ylio by now right?
dont tell me they got you
i dont beleive it
hey pls respond
its sunrise soon
so
one way or another its gotta be over right?
liz left to find you
or your body
or anything
shes not back yet and im scared
she told me not to call carmen but
i might anyway
if she doesnt get back before morning
nvm
hey its night again and im really hoping your not dead
i wont forgive you if you died
Fuck. Unread messages from Liz too.
Liz I don't know what to say. I saw the bodies. Yours wasn't there. Don't tell me you limped away to die. I know it takes a lot to kill you. So what is it?
Did one of them get you and hide the body somewhere else, but leave their allies to burn away in the sun?
I don't believe that.
Did they capture you alive? Doesn't seem like their MO.
So should I assume you're just ghosting us now? Leaving without saying goodbye.
I don't know if that's better or worse than believing you died.
Oh hell. I should have texted them back as soon as the fight was over. I’m the worst. I pop open the group chat and start frantically typing.
SRY!!!
IM ALIVE!!!!!!!
im a huge piece of shit for not seeing these notifs til now
i just
fucken
uh
went back w carmen
Vicky FUCKIN BITCH ILL KILL YOU
Liz You fucking bitch.
Vicky OR KISS YOU
OR KILL YOU AND THEN KSIS YOU ADNT HEN KILL YUO
Liz Give me your address. I'm coming to pick you up now.
Vicky AND THEN KISS YOU UNTIL YOU DIE FROM IT
ok one sec
at the fancy condos downtown
dunno the address lemme ask
I heave my body out of bed and stumble out the bedroom door, feeling more light-headed than anticipated. Right, all the blood loss. I’m going to need—
“Steak for breakfast, Hanna?”
I find a place at the table set with a huge steak, a couple of over-easy eggs, a heap of mashed potatoes, and even a little side-salad. I’m famished, and all thoughts of practical matters—aside from stuffing my face—fly from my head in an instant. I flop my naked ass down on the chair and start shoveling food into my mouth like a starving beast.
Carmen just settles across the table from me, watching me go with a sly grin and her chin propped on one hand. God, it really is like yesterday never happened at all. How easy it would be to just forget and move on.
With some calories slowly working their way into my bloodstream, my brain starts lurching into motion again, and I find myself unable to look at her in quite the same way. I have to say something.
“Hey, Carmen.” Around a mouthful of food—I can’t actually stop myself from continuing to eat—I muster the courage to broach the topic. “I, uh, kind of thought you were going to kill me last night.”
“Did you? Though I have not yet fulfilled my promise to you? I must put greater effort into earning your trust.”
“You were kind of out of control. Wild and vicious. Like a predator. Not holding back.”
“Need I remind you that I am a predator, darling? Much like you are.” She leans forward, fixing me with that piercing gaze of hers. “But let me assure you that I do not lose control.”
“Then what happened last night was—?”
“What you needed. A little fear to reignite the blood in your veins and pull you from your melancholy, a little excitement, a little push that goes just a little farther than you wanted, a little too much external stimulation to get you out of your head. Do not tell me that my methods failed; it would be a lie.”
“Carmen, I love you.” Her eyes beckon. They demand acquiescence. Yet somehow I find within me the strength to push through. “But I do not believe for an instant that your hunger last night was insincere. Don’t fuckin’ tell me your ‘methods’ were just an act because I know that would be just as much a lie.”
A certain familiar sharpness returns to her face, but not without amusement. “Then I will not lie to you. I enjoyed having cause to loosen my self-restraint somewhat. Nevertheless, you may trust me when I say that I permit myself no act of selfishness that brings true harm to any who have become precious to me.”
It’s hard not to believe her. Carmen’s words sound like honesty, and in the end she did choose to let me live. Maybe her story is the simple truth, or maybe the real reason is that she barely managed to pull herself back from the brink at the last moment. Either way, I am alive, and if she’s lying to me, well, putting the effort into lying suggests she at least still cares about my opinion of her.
Also this steak is incredible, these potatoes are like 50% garlic and dairy by volume, and this tangy ginger dressing makes even the rabbit food taste like heaven. I am a simple bitch, and feeding me well counts for a lot.
The phone, wedged between my thighs, vibrates again, interrupting my breakfast and reminding me that my sisters are still waiting for a response.
“Oh, hey, can I get the address of this place? Liz wants to take me home tonight.”
“Tell her not to worry about that. You’re welcome to stay here all you like.”
Liz Still waiting on that address, babe.
carmen says im cool to stay w her
but maybe you can come hang out
bet shed be down for a 4way ^_~
Liz No, you’re coming home.
Vicky woah hold on lets here her out
Liz I need you here. It's urgent.
STFU Vicky.
“It sounds like she really wants me to come with her. Sorry, Carmen. It’s been great staying with you for so long, but my sisters need me. I hope that’s okay?”
I look up, and for a brief instant I catch a glimpse of naked fury on her face, but it vanishes instantly leaving behind no trace on her mask of serenity.
“As you wish, beloved. You are mine, but you are no prisoner. I know you will return to me in due time.”
Since last night it feels like a veil has been lifted from our relationship. The signature Carmen charm is still very much present in how she delivers that line, magnetic charisma softening the edges of such a direct claim of ownership over me, but now I see for myself that possessive streak she’s confessed to in the tales she told about her past.
I find it flattering, to be honest. That touch of jealousy over how I choose to spend my time makes my heart race.
“Maybe you could also come visit the undercity sometime? I know Vicky would be more than happy to get to know you more intimately, and I’m sure Liz would warm up to you more if she got to know you.”
“You entice me with your sisters, knowing full well that my desire is for you?” She phrases the challenge flirtatiously, but I know her well enough to catch the hard edge underneath.
“Is it so wrong for me to want to inspire in you a little desire for them too?” I bat my eyelashes. “My family’s charms are worth experiencing for yourself, as I can attest first-hand—or both hands, even.”
“I suppose they must be charming indeed to lure you away from me with but a handful of words in your phone.”
God, she is jealous. Part of me wants to keep needling her, see how far I can push before her possessive urges completely upend her self-control. How scary might she become if she thought she needed to do something drastic to steal me away from Vicks and Lizzy?
“C’mon, Carmen. Don’t tell me a vampire as old as you hasn’t learned how to share. You do know how, right?”
“I do. I do!” She suddenly laughs, and the tension dissipates as quickly as it appeared. “I have in the past been forced to learn how to tolerate a state of affairs wherein I am not the absolute center of attention for every object of my affection. Perhaps it is a lesson I must relearn.”
“Good! Because I’ve never known a vampire with hangups about monogamy, and I can’t imagine someone like you being so insecure as that.”
“Ah, you continue to attack my pride. While I am above such naked manipulation, I respect the audacity.” She bares her teeth in a predatory grin, her eyes alight with a playful spark. I get the impression she delights in this sort of banter. “Perhaps you would like to be punished for the insult such that last night’s memory becomes that of gentle lovemaking in comparison.”
An involuntary shiver runs through my body. It’s an effective threat now that she has reintroduced me to the concept of fear. She’s seen how enthusiastically I react to being pushed too far.
Ah, I’ve been checkmated by my own transparent masochism.
“Sounds like a date.”
By the time Liz messages me to announce her arrival, I’ve finished breakfast, thrown on some clothes, and given Carmen a nice long goodbye kiss. No time to shower, sadly, but I’m pretty sure I don’t stink too bad. Besides, I don’t want to test Liz’s impatience further by asking her to wait any longer for me.
Carmen, once again the perfect picture of a lady gentleman, escorts me arm-in-arm to my ride.
“You are always welcome in my home, darling Hanna, with notice given or without. Go safely. Return freely. Know that as you depart, you leave behind a measure of happiness that I dearly treasure, and I look forward with earnest anticipation to our next meeting.”
With that, she kisses my hand and opens the backseat door of the Honda for me.
I blush ferociously. She’s just too smooth, and as I giggle I feel so much less so. “Ah, yeah! See you real soon!”
With a wink, she closes the door. In moments, the car wrenches her out of my sight.
I turn from the window just in time to get cold-cocked by Vicky. I come to a moment later, seeing stars and feeling my lips enveloped by hers and my hair tangled in her fists.
“…enthrallment or something.”
Vicks breaks the kiss to respond to our sister. “Sure, maybe. But maybe there’s a perfectly good reason that doesn’t have us making enemies with someone older than Milburga, even.”
“If so, I’d love to hear it.” Liz gives a skeptical grunt. After a moment of silence, she adds, “hey, give her another for me.”
I brace myself for a second punch, but Vicky instead plants another kiss on my mouth, soft and gentle, full of love. “Don’t scare us like that again, babe,” she whispers. “I’ll never forgive you.”
“I’m sorry.” The tears run down my face, completely beyond my ability to control. “I’m so sorry. I should’ve messaged you immediately, I should’ve kept you in the loop, but I—”
How do I explain what happened to me last night? I couldn’t put it into words at the time, and even now I can’t conceive of how to articulate just how badly I spiraled into depression and self-hatred.
“But Carmen got her hands on you instead.” Liz speaks with smoldering fury in her voice. “And she made it easy to forget about us entirely.”
What should I say? That she didn’t give me a choice? That I wasn’t allowed to say no? No, saying those things makes it sound like she—
But she didn’t. Hardly more than Liz ever did to me, anyway, and she wouldn’t have done all of that if she weren’t right in saying I wanted it. Needed it, even. If I want to fix this situation, I definitely can’t tell my sisters that Carmen gave me no choice. Liz already doesn’t trust her. Relating all that Carmen did to me would worsen this whole misunderstanding.
“I was injured.” Barely, but it’s true. “She wanted to patch me up, and then celebrate my victory, and one thing led to another, and…” I shouldn’t say she drained me until I passed out. I can’t let them think any of this is her fault. “I fell asleep from exhaustion. I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to! I was just crashing hard after all that happened, and I didn’t see your messages until I woke up.”
“Did she hypnotize you?”
“No!”
“Got you so good you couldn’t even tell, then. That’s the real problem.”
Privately, I can admit that Carmen probably did. At least a little bit. Although I do get the impression its not intentional; it’s like she has a certain passive magnetism whether consciously directed or not. Still, I can resist it when I need to. I’ve demonstrated that. It’s just… I know I can trust her and therefore don’t need to resist her—most of the time, anyway. There’s a certain comfortable and soothing quality to letting yourself get lost in her eyes.
“C’mon, Lizzy. She’s not trying to take me away from you. Did it look like she had any issues with letting me go? You’re worried about nothing! She’s way too old and powerful to get insecure about a relationship like ours.”
“Well, I’m not.” Her voice is flat, hard. “I am forty-goddamn-four years old, doing my damnedest to build political capital from absolute dirt-floor nothing, and I get plenty jealous because I’m not so powerful, and I know how my elders get to steal whatever they want unless the rest of us fight tooth and nail to keep it.”
“Yeah.” Vicky squeezes my thigh. “We’re keeping you. No matter what.”
“You have me. You’re my family!” I don’t understand what they’re so worried about. I’m right here. Can’t they see how I love them?
“Damn right we are. Which is why I need you to trust the judgment of your older sisters when we say this is for your own protection. Hand Vicky your phone. Unlocked.”
My heart sinks in my chest. What’s happening? “Wh-why do you need my phone?”
“Just for a minute,” Vicky says. “I’ll give it right back. I just need to do something real quick.”
“You trust us, right?” Liz turns to give me a pointed look while stopped at a traffic light. “It’s not like you’re hiding anything nefarious from us, are you?”
“Of course not!” I unlock the screen and hand my phone over. It feels like a violation of privacy, but this is my family. You’re not supposed to have secrets from your family. Loyalty to family is supposed to be absolute.
“Appreciate it. Gimme just a minute.”
“Just like we practiced, Vicks. Remember, the app is called—”
“Already downloading it. Got the cheat sheet pulled up on my phone.”
I clear my throat. “A new app?”
“Just a precaution, babe. I was worried you were kidnapped or enthralled, so I wanted a way to keep tabs on you in case you needed to be rescued. Vicks is setting you up so we can track your location, see when you were last active, that kind of thing. That way, we’ll never have to have a repeat of last night.”
“Oh. I guess that makes sense.”
It takes noticeably longer than a minute. Feels like Vicky’s doing all kinds of weird configuration settings, double-checking her notes, and testing things on her own phone. In the end, as promised, she hands me my phone back.
“Done. Problem solved. Liz, you should have an email with the link to set yourself up as admin.”
With that done, the tension in the car eases noticeably.
I lean my head on Vicky’s shoulder and let her stroke my head.
“So what was the big urgent thing you needed me for anyway?” I ask.
“Hmm? Oh, that.” Liz waves a hand dismissively. “I lied. Just wanted to get you away from Carmen as soon as possible.”
“You straight-up lied?”
“Yeah, and I’m not going to apologize, Hanna. Look at it from our perspective. When you left us last month, you were talking up how eager you were to finish the job and come right back home. Then, when you finished the job, what did you do? Didn’t reach out. Didn’t answer messages. Just disappeared. Then when I said I’d come pick you up when you give me your address, you were all like, ‘oh no, you don’t need my address, I don’t need to come home—winky face—I’m happy staying with the woman who definitely hypnotized me at least once already at the club.’
“You ever see a more obvious example of someone being nakedly manipulated? I don’t care what convincing words she used or what situations she concocted. She was doing a great job separating you from those who love you, drawing you close and teaching you to rely on her instead. Like damn, Hanna, where’d you get those nice new clothes? It’s not like I’ve given you spending money of your own to use!”
“Listen to yourself, Liz!” I snap, frustrated at her hypocrisy. “You’re complaining that Carmen was just doing the same things to me that you do!”
“Exactly! I know the playbook. I’ve done it to you. I’ve done it to Vicky. I’ve done it to a dozen other girls before. I am intimately familiar with how to do a high-control relationship. I won’t have someone else using the same tricks to take what’s mine.”
I slump backward in my seat; it’s like she doesn’t even see me as a person sometimes. “You can be a real bitch, you know that, Liz?”
“I’m comfortable with that, as long as I win.” She exhales deeply, a pointed punctuation in the ensuing silence. “And since I’m on a bitchy roll, I might as well continue. Here’s how the rest of the night will play out. You’re going to shower. Wash Carmen’s stink off your body. Then you’re gonna eat me out. You’re gonna beg for me to mark you with my scent, and I will graciously give you what you want because I fucking love you and I missed you.
“Starting tomorrow night, I’ll be keeping you on a shorter leash. No more chances for my enemies to hurt you. I will make damn sure I get my promotion, and I will build a network of connections with the most powerful members of Clan Sarthe I can. I will build political power until everyone knows two things: that you, as much as Vicky, are mine, and that anyone who harms what is mine will rue the fucking day they crossed me.”
How is it that a girl like me inspires such fierce displays of love and devotion? Carmen, Liz… if only you could both see that you’re on the same side. You both mean so very much to me. Vicky, too, even if she doesn’t always show it. Still she strokes me with a soothing touch the remainder of the way home.
“I love you too, babe.” It’s the only answer I know how to give. As much as I hate how she treats Carmen, I can’t hate how she treats me. “Thank you.”